J.R. Briggs

12 Tips for Giving a Great Best Man Toast

July 19, 2010

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As a pastor I’ve officiated a handful of weddings – which also means I’ve sat through some pretty uncomfortable and “interesting” best man toasts…

In my experience, these toasts are all over the board. Some have been pleasant. Meaningful. Generic. Nervous. Heart-warming. Emotional. Hilarious. But unfortunately the ones I remember the most are the ones that were extremely awkward…

The past several weddings, as I’ve listened to the best man offer up the toast, I’ve thought to myself, I need to offer up some tips for these gentlemen. And so, this is the summer to finally sit down and write out a few.

For whatever reason, in almost every single wedding reception I’ve attended, the Maid/Matron of Honor has delivered a meaningful and articulate toast to the new couple (well done, ladies!) It seems, however, that the gentlemen are in need of a few pointers. If you’re ever asked to be a best man – and assume the role of giving the best man speech at the reception – please keep these in mind:

[1] Be prepared. Make sure you practice ahead of time in front of a mirror. Something as significant as this should be thoughtful and should not be done spur of the moment. Use notes or index cards if you want/need to (but don’t read from them word for word).

[2] Be succinct and brief. When people are nervous and someone hands them a microphone this is a perfect storm of longwinded-ness. Best Man Speeches should last no longer than four minutes. Be clear. Be brief. Be gone. Nobody leaves a wedding and says, “You know, I wish the best man would have kept talking during the toast. I could have heard that guy speak all night!” That’s why tip #1 is so important.

[3] Avoid cliches. Say something unique and impactful. While lines like, “You all will be the best couple ever…” or “You found the best woman in the whole world” may be absolutely true, say it differently and in a way that is cliche-free. It will have greater meaning and stick with the audience, especially the bride and groom.

[4] Don’t drink before you speak. It may seem obvious, but its apparently not the case for some guys. There is nothing worse than a toast where the best man has had too much to drink before he is handed the mic. You will not only embarrass the new couple (and others in the room) but also yourself. (Plus, the toast is usually in the beginning of the reception. Who is foolish enough to drink too much that quickly?)

[5] Tell stories... Pick a story (at most, two) that will give the audience a snapshot of your friendship and what you appreciate most about the couple. Specific stories are a great time to highly traits and characteristics that are significant and meaningful. Plus, people love hearing – and ultimately remember – stories.

[6] …but don’t tell stories that will embarrass and/or humiliate the couple. Don’t tell stories about the times you used to steal stuff together from the convenience store when you were in middle school – and don’t even think about mentioning anything about former girlfriends.

Totally. Off. Limits.

Here are two simple rules: One, don’t say anything that would make the couple’s grandmothers feel uncomfortable. And, two, if in doubt, don’t say it. Those two right there will keep you out of a lot of trouble in the first place. This is a day to honor the bride and groom, not humiliate them. Honor them on their day and use a little wisdom and discretion.

[7] Be specific. When you speak about the couple, be specific about what they mean to you. (Refer to tip #3). The more specific, the more meaningful – and the more likely people will remember it.

[8] Bless and honor the couple. Bring out their best qualities. It’s one of the only spaces (and maybe the last time before one’s funeral) where a roomful of friends and family are present to hear qualities of deep importance shared about their life. Bless them in that sacred moment.

[9] Remember: its not about you. I’m amazed at how this seemingly obvious truth is disregarded. You may be the best man, but today is not your day. Don’t go on and on about you. Focus on the couple – and direct the attention of others on the couple. It’s their big day, not yours.

[10] Use humor – but be wise. Humor can lighten the mood and can be done very well – but it is risky. When using humor, avoid the crass stuff. And don’t be cheesy.

[11] End well: Finish by saying “Congratulations” to the new couple – and drink to your own toast. It’s amazing how many people forget this.

[12]  Get feedback: Have someone you trust listen to the speech and/or read your speech ahead of time in order to have them provide helpful feedback. Another set of ears hearing what you are going to say a day or two before the wedding can save a lot of embarrassment and can help to hone your speech into something more compelling, clear and meaningful.

Any other tips you’d want to share for Best Man Speeches? I’ve love to hear them.

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